5 Drunken Kurt Types
by Akamaruwolf323
Summary: In Finn's words, the girls had 5 typical behaviours whenever they got drunk. But sometimes Kurt reacted badly to the alcohol too.
1. Sad Kurt

**Disclaimer: **No, I don't own Glee. Do you think I would be writing this if I owned it?

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**The Weepy Hysterical Drunk**

Kurt Hummel wasn't a person who often let people watch him cry. In fact, the only person he had ever let willingly watch him cry was Burt Hummel. He didn't like people when they _pitied _him, as if he was some big and helpless baby. But sometimes he would let the guard down and he would cry and cry without even bothering what would the people think about him. Most of those little and strange times, he was too sad and tired of everything to even care about the rest of the world. But some other times he had to blame it to the alcohol.

April had told him that alcohol would be the best way to face the world and the horde of homophobes which ruled the McKinley (and Lima, by the way). So, trusting in the sweet charming warm the alcohol made him feel, he drunk. April was a teacher, wasn't she? And she was a _cool_ teacher. Why not just follow her advice? It would give him courage, right? Without even realizing he was taking more and more long sips of who-knows-what-delicious-alcohol April had given him. Every time he remembered the jocks calling him _fag_, he took a sip. Every time he remembered the way they stared at him, as if just by standing near them would make them gay, he took a sip. Every time he remembered the smell the rubbish of the dumpsters left in his clothes, he took a sip. Every time he remembered the metallic sound of his body crashing against the lockers, he took a sip. Every time he remembered the cold slushies splashing against his face, he took a drink. In the end, he had drunk almost a bottle of the comforting alcohol and was a bit lightheaded.

The bell rang and he started to make his way to the class. If only he could remember what class he had right now. Was it History or Maths? Maybe English? He was stumbling through the crowded halls (heck, why was so many people there? And why was the floor swinging like a drunken sailor?) when suddenly two big brown eyes appeared in front of him. Two big brown _gentle_ eyes, that he could recognize everywhere. _Bambi_. He would never be able to forget those eyes, as he had watched Bambi millions of times with his mother when he was little. His mother, who was now dead. Just like Bambi's mother. Fucking hunters. But what was _Bambi_ doing at the McKinley? He stopped for a second to look at those gentle eyes carefully and started to feel tears in his eyes as he remembered the poor little deer in the middle of the snow.

_—Oh Bambi... —cried Kurt—I cried so hard when those hunters shot your mommy__..._

And with that, he bent down and threw up in some strange looking shoes.

He didn't notice when had Finn appeared by his side, but Kurt let the other boy drag him to the choir moment he sat (more like placed there by Finn) in a chair, Mercedes sat in the chair next his in a hustle.

—Kurt! What happened? Wait… are you drunk?

—Puck and I were in the halls and found Mrs Pillsbury in shock staring to her puked shoes and Kurt rambling about Bambi. Puck is with her now. —he went for a moment to watch Puck and Emma — And I think that Puck needs some help with Mrs Pillsbury.

The woman was in complete shock and refused to walk anywhere.

—Mercedes, can you take care of him?

—Sure thing.

Finn left the almost empty choir room in a hurry and Mercedes looked at Kurt. His clothes were wrinkled, his hair messy and his eyes were red. She could smell the alcohol he had drunk, but she couldn't believe it.

—Kurt! What the hell? What are you doing drunk at school?! —asked Mercedes in disbelief.

—Oh… Mercedes… Bambi! It's sooooooo sad! His mother is dead! And… and now… he is all alone! —said Kurt sobbing.

—Hey, calm there white boy! What are you talking about?

—BAMBI! I swear, I'm gonna kill those fucking hunters! Fuckers! Sons of a bitch! And now Bambi is… he is so motherless! —tears started to run through his fingers as he held his pale face in his hands.

—Baby, calm down for a moment. —said Mercedes, grabbing Kurt's arm and shocked because Kurt, _Kurt Hummel, _was swearing like a drunken sailor.

—Bambi is going to be so sad! He is alone and… And… His mother… his mother died! And his dad is going to be sooooooo sad! His wife is dead! And his son is so fucking special! Why is he gay? Why complicate things? Why the hell does everything happen to him? —Kurt was now crying hysterically. —And the other fucking deer of the forest throw Bambi to the dumpsters and slushie him! I'm gonna kill them too!

Mercedes looked at him, shocked. Had he just said…? She hugged his trembling body and tried to calm him.

—Hush, hush Kurt. Calm down, c'mon. Bambi is going to be okay. —said Mercedes as she pulled him against her chest. He looked so… fragile. He sobbed again and hugged her clumsily. —Hush, hush. Calm, baby.

Tina, Mike and Artie entered to the choir room talking and laughing at some Artie's joke but stopped talking when they saw Kurt crying in Mercedes' arms. They hurried and approached to them while Mercedes explained everything. As everyone in the room approached, Kurt started to feel sleepy. Blurry images passed in front of him and the swinging room only made him feel dizzier and sleepier. He closed his eyes without even knowing it and he fell asleep.

When Will opened the door of the room he stopped for a second in shock. Emma had told him what had happened and he was going to take Kurt to Figgins. He expected to see a drunken happy Kurt, rambling about Bambi, dancing or maybe even _singing._ He didn't expect to see Kurt with his head on Mercedes' lap, the black girl stroking lovingly his hair while Tina held his hand between hers. Mike and Artie were near, Mike sitting on the floor and talking quietly with Artie. He didn't expect to see the dirty and wrinkled clothes Kurt was wearing (he always had his clothes perfectly neat and treated them as if they were made of gold). But the thing that really shocked Will was that there were trails of tears on Kurt's face and the way he was sad in his sleep. It broke his heart what he was about to made, but he had to wake up the boy. Figgins would punish Kurt and it seemed that he already had enough things to cope with. So, hesitatingly, he woke up gently Kurt, and Kurt seemed confused at first. His clear eyes scanned the room stunned.

—What… what am I doing here? —managed to slur.

—Kurt, I have been told that you were drunk during your classes. I have to take you to Figgins.

Kurt remembered drinking the alcohol that April had given him, the swinging halls and Bambi, but how had he achieved to reach the choir room or what was he doing in Mercedes' lap was a mystery. A terrible headache stroke him the moment he decided to sit up.

—Oww… —he moaned.— Mercedes? Why is my shirt soaked?

The black diva hesitated for a moment before answering.

—It doesn't matter, boo.

—Oww… well. Fine.

Will helped him to get up and they exited the room slowly.

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**A/N: **Well, I wasn't sure if I should post this because my English level at the time of writing isn't as good as I wish, but I decided to give it a try. I know that Kurt is really, _really REALLY _OOC here, but... he is drunk. Anyway, if you have any advice or critic, feel free to tell me.

Review!


	2. Happy Kurt

**A/N: **Well, hello again and sorry about the delay but I have way too many things to do and I don't have too much time for writing. Thanks for reading!

No, I don't own Glee. Were I the owner of that programme Brittana and Klaine would appear more. A lot more. (Brittana... *sighs*)

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**The Happy Drunk**

Throwing a party at Rachel's was always funny. At first, she would start bitching about what was supposed to do, rubbing some weird schedules on your face and threatening your life if you even _thought_ about standing up in the dryer. Then, Puck would carry the alcohol and the fun would start.

That was how Artie's birthday started. It was strange to celebrate Artie's party at Rachel's, but his house was under construction right then and having a party there would have been annoying as hell. So, Artie managed to convince his mother that celebrating his birthday in Rachel's house would be much more _secure_ as there was no risk that one of them would end with a balk embed to their head. Rachel agreed in celebrating his birthday in her house because her fathers were celebrating their anniversary in Florida and anyway, they hadn't had a party for a long time.

The party was starting to get funny and they all were chatting and dancing happily. The alcohol ran freely and they still were sober enough to not fall in their typical stereotypes. However, this changed quickly. Santana sat in a spot far away from the party grabbing a bottle of a strange mix Puck had prepared. She was staring at Brittany like a shark would watch his prey, who was taking of her shirt and throwing it to the roof while dancing in a very strip-like way. It was a gift for Artie, she said, but everybody knew that it was the alcohol talking and not Brittany. Rachel was clinging to Finn, and Finn was just trying to not take some shocks and shove them in her mouth. Not that he would really do that, she was his girlfriend after all, but he was on the edge of doing something he would later regret. Like, break up with her for the 2654646 th time. Tina and Mercedes were beginning to laugh _too much_ and surprisingly, Kurt was with them doing the same thing. Puck was starting to get too handy with Quinn, even though she wouldn't let him do anything because she was shoving and yelling him angrily.

—Owrr… Quinn has claws… Puck, be care- —started to purr Mercedes but didn't end the sentence because she began giggling like crazy. Tina was laughing a lot too, to the point that she was in the floor holding her stomach.

Puck didn't even bother reply and started kissing Quinn's neck. She, however, glared at them almost _growling._ And that was pretty scary because she was very drunk.

—If you don't shut the fuck up you'll know _exactly_ how are my claws!—said and tried to detach Puck from her neck. — And you, asshole! I swear, if you don't stop-!

—Quinn, don't be like that! You are practically throwing yourself to him! —said Kurt with a giggle and it was true. Even though she was shoving Puck's head away from her neck she was sitting in his lap and wasn't _exactly_ trying to move away. She moving, but not away.

—Oh God, I think I'd rather you were depressed Mr. Bambi!—yelled Quinn.

—Don't mention my childhood favorite character while doing _things _with Puck! You're tainting my memories! By the way, I'd rather you were fucking Puck in a closed room and I'm not complaining! Wait… I'm complaining now! Or maybe… —he remained silent for about 3 seconds and started to laugh again. Tina and Mercedes did the same.

—What the hell is wrong with you? —said in disbelief Quinn.

—I don't know, I'm kinda drunk! You know, the alcohol tends to do this… You can't think straight…

—Kurt, you never _never_ think _straight_! —said Tina and exploded laughing and throwing herself again to the floor.

—What do you…? Ah! —Kurt was starting to cry for all the laughter. He wiped the tears away but more tears replaced them.

—Boo, she is right there! And… Oh Lord, go to a closet or something! —managed to say Merecedes before bursting in laughter.

Puck and Quinn were making out in the couch and they were starting to get too handy.

—But then they'd have to out of the closet! — said Tina between giggle and giggle.

—You want any lesson? —said Kurt

—From you, Mellencamp? In your dreams! —shouted Quinn before attacking Puck's lips again.

—You know you loved it, baby. —said Kurt in a really deep and low voice, like he did in "Give Up The Funk". Tina stood up and hugged him clumsily laughing some more.

—I think you're mixing things, boy. —said Mercedes with a huge grin in her face.

—Where is the frog!? —Brittany yelled from the spot where she was dancing. —I want a frog! Lord Tubbington says that if I get him a frog he will love me again!

Tina, Mercedes and Kurt looked at each other and started laughing again.

—I'm serious! —said Brittany pouting. —Santana, tell them something!

Santana glared at them and if looks could kill they'd already be six feet underground. But then, she looked at Brittany and looked again the bottle she was holding. Without hesitation she took a long, and when I mean long, I mean _long_ sip from the bottle and sobbed a bit. And then, some more. Tina, Mercedes and Kurt laughed more and fell to the floor. Tina just laid there, unable to stand up again and Mike threw himself beside her. They started making out almost instantly.

—Oh, c'mon. You too, Tina? You're betraying us! —said Kurt and frowned. Mercedes had stopped laughing and was falling asleep there, in the floor. —Mercedes, don't let me alone in this love nest! —he begged at no avail as she was already sleeping soundly. —Well… Sleep… Lucky bitch… —said sighing.

He stood up with difficulty and swayed his way to the armchair next to the couch were Rachel was hugging Finn. He dropped himself there and giggled without reason. The brunette wondered how Finn could even _breath_ with Rachel hugging him so much, let alone talk to her like a normal person and not kill her. He imagined what would be like to shove a shock in her big mouth and he concluded that it would be fine. _Really _fine. Amazing.

—Rachel, let the poor man breath! —Rachel ignored him and hugged even tighter Finn.

Finn just sighed and looked Kurt. They shared a knowing look and Kurt snorted.

—God, he is way _too_ good for his own sake… —said shaking his head. He giggled, thinking about shoving some shocks in Rachel's mouth and fell asleep.


End file.
